Men Have Called Her Crazy

When people heard I was reading Men Have Called Her Crazy by Anna Marie Tendler — John Mulaney’s ex-wife — they assumed it would be full of tea about their divorce. On the contrary, he is barely mentioned and not at all by name. I didn’t even realize she was the same Anna as the one John talked about in his stand up specials until it hit me that the french bulldog Petunia was also the same.

Instead, I picked up this book for the title and the promise of an honest account of a woman’s hospitalization for her mental health, her long history of fighting with her brain, her response to the men who have called her crazy, and how she stopped trying to please them.

I loved the writing in this book and how it weaves together the past and present to tell a powerful story of baby steps and growing up. I do think that it is written sort of matter-of-factly and that there is a lot of exposition. I think Anna’s story is really interesting and will stay with me for a long time, but I’m not going to say it’s the best thing I have ever read by any means. I think this book came to me at a moment where I really needed it and it felt relevant to my life, but my perspective on it (in terms of rating) might shift as I get more distance from it. I do think I will remember Anna’s sarcastic tone.

“My reexamination practice is mired in grief—for time wasted, and for the woman I was who could not acknowledge her own worth. I have chased unrequited affection because to me, struggle is indicative of love. Volatility is indicative of love. Dismissal is indicative of love. But that is not how I want to do love anymore.”